thank you, dr. christine blasey ford

it’s a warm, wind-full saturday night in tokyo. I’m watching the news and op-eds come in regarding brett kavanaugh’s nomination to the supreme court. most are factual, stating susan collin’s assent or kavanaugh’s inevitable confirmation. some are solemn and reluctant, asserting that despite the outcome, dr. christine blasey ford’s revelation and testimony were not in vain. some are bitter, pronouncing the darkness of this current time. it is impossible, at this moment, to think of anything but dr. ford’s face, her voice as she sat in front of the world, and spoke her truth. truth that has, in the past, been stifled into a screaming silence. been broken amidst tears in a therapist’s chair, been revealed in the dark to a friend, by millions of women.

it is banal to speak of one’s own sadness or rage in response to something like this. and it’s heartbreaking. it’s enraging, that the gates of the supreme court have been opened for a man of such subpar control and open partisanship. it is a familiar feeling, this sense of immense injustice that has become an everyday affair in the trump administration. it is a strong enough hand to bow our heads and turn us forcefully away from that wreckage of a country, the united states. it is an aggressive enough affront to the rights and dignity of women for us to disavow the nation and its offensive pretenses of morality.  this spectacle, this vitriolic, spitting statement on the part of brett kavanaugh and its shameful, dystopic result, is what makes so many of us, foreigners, people watching from the outside, feel terror, and desolation, and the guilty, twisted relief of not being american.

what I want to say is this: the results of the kavanaugh hearing is a synecdoche of forces that have always been in conflict, in politics and in other battles, fought on uncountable fronts, of what is right, and what others falsely believe to be right. it is not a matter to be denigrated by that thoughtless term, “he said, she said”. it is an embrace of the violent. it is hegemonic insurance. it is an exploitation of the pain of others. it is an open contempt of democratic values. it is an act of the war that sectarianism inevitably breeds. the world gives us so little reason to think that truth and justice always outlive the cruel, but I am still young and (perhaps) foolish enough to believe in goodness. in dr. ford, and in so many others, supporters, allies, protestors, politicians, people around the world who watched and felt the sadness, felt the rage, I was once again reminded of goodness, and bravery, and honour.

I read the words of june jordan;

“American existence twists
you finally
into a separatist.”

shelly shan

hi, my name is shelly. I do a thing where I make words into unnecessarily emotional composites. I don't know why I'm allowed on the internet, but I like it here.